Table for One

Written back in June when I was single. Though my relationship status has changed, my thoughts on traveling have not. Hope you enjoy this, my favorite blog.

When I found myself single again at 30 I naturally dwelled on aspects of my life that will change. I actually said out loud to myself "Guess you won't be traveling as much, now" Then I got to thinking, well why should that change just because I'm alone now? I just took a long trip a few weeks ago but didn't see it as a trip but more of a thing I had to do. Well, I've decided I have to continue to travel. Perhaps not as much, but I WILL get out there and see the world. If I have to do it alone for awhile, so be it. One of the days I spent in CA, I found myself alone in a park. I listened to the birds, played my favorite tunes on my ipod and sniffed the sweet smell of all the lovely things that grow like mad in lovely Socal. I thought to myself "this isn't so bad" and I came to embrace the loneliness, and the boredom that come with traveling alone. I sat there with no agenda, no itinerary and no other person to appease. There was nothing on my mind other than a vague wondering of what I'd do next.

Its never been a goal of mine; to travel alone. But life throws you unexpected surprises and its the people who are able to adjust their way of thinking that can turn something like being single into an adventure. There's no rule book that states that I should wait to find the perfect travel companion before I go touring the castles of Europe. Who knows how long it will take before that companion comes along. I don't think those castles are very wheel-chair friendly.

So I'm booking a trip....a small inexpensive one at first, out West....probably on my way back to Socal. There are a plethora of day trips in between Denver and L.A.

Yes, I'm booking a trip out west. Sounds so deceptively simple. In some ways it is. I don't have to wait for friends to clear their schedules or scrounge up cash.

In other ways its not. I'm scared, intimidated and not real sure of what I'm doing. I'm dreading eating by myself...an activity which I'm sure will conjure up repressed feelings of junior high lunchroom angst. I'm afraid of sleeping alone, though I have gotten pretty used to it the past few weeks. But mostly I'm afraid that I won't be good company, to myself or anyone else.

I'm sure there will be a day when I am thrilled by the thought of navigating my way around new places. There will be a day when I thoroughly enjoy sipping wine at my table for one. It may not happen on the first trip. There are certain things that take some getting used to. Traveling alone is definitely one of them. Some people come back from summer vacations with a nice tan and some cool souvenirs. I will come back with the confidence that I can travel anywhere and be safe.

I told a good (married) friend of my solo traveling plans and she did not share my excitement. "Oh I hate traveling by myself. There's no one to share the view with." I'm sure that's a common complaint. I'm sure a lot of people equate solo travel with loneliness. And I doubt they're wrong. But loneliness can be a powerful motivator. Instead of relying on someone to take that picture of you on the Sedona landscape, I'm forced to set up the tripod and do it myself. I purchased a travel diary which I hope to fill up rather quickly. But the memories I make will be mine, and only mine. I will never have to worry about someone retelling the story wrong. Its my story and no one else's.

Loneliness can help push you to meet new people. One day on my Socal trip I walked into a Coffee Bean and struck up a conversation with a total stranger sitting next to me. We exchanged e-mails and perhaps will become friends after I make the move. It all started with a simple question I asked a stranger..."how many calories do you think this caramel blended with extra whipped cream really has?" To which she replied "about a million". Within minutes we were laughing and smiling like we'd been friends forever.

I'm sure I'll have my days when I won't feel like talking to a soul. And that's fine too. I still struggle with shyness from childhood. Sometimes I'll lose my nerve and bury my head in my Catcher in the Rye instead of making connections. But the reason I'm wanting to go at this traveling thing alone is so I can overcome the neuroses that go hand in hand with being alone, judged and rejected. But what used to feel like a nightmare, now feels like a challenge.

I've always wanted to watch the sun go down over Monument Valley in AZ. I will take my picnic, my blanket, my ipod and my Salinger and make it a reality. Some views are best unshared.